Yesterday we had a small delay on a flight to Saginaw, Michigan so I got on the PA and decided to be my typically sarcastic self, "Folks, the media has been predicting airline delays for the holiday season so I thought we'd take a delay just for the heck of it. We want the EXPERTS in the media to get it right every once in awhile, don't we?"
You should have heard the clamor in the back of the airplane as I quickly explained that I was only kidding around (which I always do for my own entertainment, mind you) and the delay was a short one because of some "hot bags" which were coming over from a tight connection. We wouldn't want our valuable customers arriving home without baggage now would we?
I tell this story to highlight the fact that all we hear today on the "boob tube" is prediction of utter disaster in our air transport system and many of my loyal Grassroots Troopers are about to embark on an airborne journey. Never fear my patriotic, freedom loving Americans, the system will get you to your destination and you might even arrive on time. IMAGINE THAT!
However, there will be bumps in the road to include a few turbulent bumps as well. The media is having their yearly free-for-all over airline delays which starts about a week before Turkey Day and ends right around the New Year. Airline veterans hear the same old stuff and it gets as boring as listening to Hillary Clinton try out her "new" southern accent.
The media isn't telling you anything new, the airline transport system is stretched thin and if something goes wrong, like a wide area of lousy weather, expect things to "go south" right quick! Tomorrow is forecasted to be ugly and could be a day to make the media deliriously happy as things begin to "meltdown" like Bill Clinton in a Fox News Sunday interview! Here are some tips for your journey from an absolute idiot who knows nothing about air travel:
1) Bring plenty of stuff to keep yourself entertained. IPOD and books/newspapers are good to have stuffed wherever you can stuff them. You can always snag a "USEless Today" in terminals because people leave them strewn around like horse manure (basically what USAToday is.....).
2) Keep an eye on the weather forecasting for hubs you will be flying through and if it looks "dicey" at your time of arrival, think of an alternate plan. Perhaps you can fly earlier by blasting off from work early or the airline will allow you to route through a different hub. It's not a good idea to fly off to an airline hub where people are camping out like the 3rd Infantry Division in Iraq, think about it.
3) Prepare your brain ahead of time for possible frustrations such as crowded parking lots, check-in areas, airplanes and tarmacs. There are only so many airplanes and only so many spots in the sky to put them. When weather moves in, the number of planes that can take-off and land is reduced significantly. It may seem surprising but this is God's will and not the fault of the gate agent who is only trying their damnedest to make it through another day.
My favorite saying to fellow crewmembers when passengers do silly things is the following and this one is mine: "When people fly, they remember to pack everything ....... EXCEPT THEIR BRAIN." Please do what you can to make my saying as untrue as possible this holiday season. Think about the BIG picture, how infinitely complex the system is and how hard the "skeleton crews" are working in an absolutely cut-throat environment to see you to your destination SAFELY. When a fellow passenger is annoying the living hell out of you, remember they are your fellow American and you have more in common with them than you might think.
Happy Thanksgiving, eats LOTS and LOTS of turkey, let's all make P.E.T.A. real happy! :-)